In my youth I met a married lady who greatly interested me.

She was shy and quite, she dressed nicely almost sexy with black tights and pretty short skirts.

As she was married I never actively pursued her but always wanted to get to know her better.

Over the long years we often met yet never had the opportunity to talk.

At last thanks to the internet I wrote to her pushing the boundaries of our distant relationship,

in an effort to know this shy attractive now woman.

Stunningly she was just a very uneducated empty shell!!!

Hence the next saying “Silence can be very misleading”.

Women respond to love but very seldom instigate love.

When we first fall in love and take that first kiss, the wise know  that we will let each other down.

We all are so very weak, vanity, greed, power, are some of the many things that will split apart lovers.

Russia in the 1800’s had a serf or slave system and a man’s standing in society

 was judged by how many Serfs or Slaves he owned.

It was a silly system as a stupid ignorant man could be high up in their society.

Now the system is how wealthy you are, no matter how you gained your wealth.

This is just as silly.

The things we seem to enjoy and remember most are the things we have to work for.

Like beer and reading text that is just not up front.

Then we read it and don't just guess what it says we have to read it.

The difference between

Men and Women in love is most women seem to love

until something better comes along such as fame or cash. Men love for ever even over many lives.

Even Audrey Hepburn left her fiancé  she was in love with for Hollywood Fame!

(Women make serial killers?)

I am Gordon Mays Baird and my life has been so hard that I have searched over the past sixty years for answers to many things.

At last I can understand so much to do with life and relationships.

My mother had a passionate meeting with her old boss when she went for a reunion to his home in Hastings. She had worked as a live in housekeeper for many years. Father had invented Television and was living apart from his wife and children, therefore mother did everything for him including meeting and looking after many famous people. She was some twenty years younger than John Logie Baird my father and as they lived together the temptation of having sex must have been great.

After her visit she found she was pregnant which devastated her as she was married to a Stanley Mays and had an 18 month old son to him with the same dark and swarthy looks of his father who was half Greek. Whose was the baby inside her? Stan’s or Johns?

At last after nine frantic months I arrived with my father’s bright blond hair and immediately mother blamed me for her sin, her misdemeanor.

She refused to touch me in any way so everything I had to learn from my half-brother Bernard or by instinct. In later years mother would laugh saying that I was almost two years of age before I walked, so I must be a slow learner.

A deal was done with the then wealthy John and a house was bought for the Mays in London as long as they bought me up as their own. Sadly for me father died when I was three and I was placed into an orphanage. Stanly had been beating both mother and me since I was born in his frustration and was at one time in danger of actually killing me. The orphanage was the safest place.

With this in mind, knowing that I received no love what so ever from my mother or father I used to hold anybody who came near and an odd cuddle was just fantastic. A school pal John Good, had a Birthday party and I was invited, the first I had been to. We played pass the parcel and I won. It was the first game and his kind mother gently put her arm around my shoulder, then steered me into the dining room where there was a table laden with prizes, unlike anything I had ever seen before. Still with her arm around me she told me I could pick any prize. What a stunning experience and I have never forgotten her, or the warmth of her arm. I picked a Jig saw hoping it would please mother, sadly it met with no success.

As I matured I met girls and found love, by making love to them. I met a girl called Christine we got on great and married. Very quickly I realized that she was not in love with but was in “Want” with me and as long as I agreed with her and supplied her with what she wanted from goods to children she would love me but could turn it off at any time.

I left the marriage. After some years I met Catherine Jones nee Bailey, she was the most wonderful woman. She was beautiful, talented, educated and a librarian with my deep love of books I was in heaven. The romance blossomed and we lived together for three wonderful years, reading poetry and listening to music. Cuddling every moment.

Then as ever a man, strangely in Television, said he would make her a star and she left me! The deep love was instantly turned off.

Women and men think entirely differently, we give differently and when we fall in love it is forever. The sex act has nothing to do with love and is to satisfy an itch or a curiosity.

We can be so in love yet have sex with some other woman without a seconds thought. We are seeking nothing we want to change nothing and we just feel good that we have deposited our sperm in someone new.

Now I was totally unloved as a child, and told so often that it was my fault I do believe it was also I guess I was just one of those unlovable children.

Then I find the perfect woman for me, we truly do love each other, I supply all she needs for her and her children only to be dumped in an instant. This totally shocked me leading to a suicide attempt.

Women are greatly varied in their needs. I know a woman who married a waster and rather backward man. Strange you think but Susan wanted to keep her independence to sleep around as she had many offers and liked to accept most. The great seal on their marriage was when they had a child with a skin complaint as this was a great excuse to keep the husband away; the child comes first and needs attention.

A second child actually slept in his mother’s bed until she suddenly abandoned him aged 14 to live in Spain able to make new conquests. By that time the husband almost senile was too old to worry about sex. He did have an affair in their marriage and left sensing the lack of love and respect he got at home only to return to the nest as he had fallen in love. Much against her sister’s advice Susan allowed him back feeling that after her many affairs he did supply most of her needs.

Another stunning girl married a lawyer as he does not like her modeling and this takes the fear away from her that if she was a model she could fail.

While women select; men just fall in love.

I have not tried a prostitute but many men do expecting that if they pay for love they will receive it, only to find out that this woman is perhaps the hardest of all and in a deep despair does he try to remove them for existence along with all women as they all are as bad as each other.  

Dr. Gordon Mays